• Tuesday, February 06, 2007

    Pigs in Space - Year of the Pig - Part Two

    Pigs on earth
    I've been trying to track down the publicist or someone representing to answer a simple question: How can our best friend, girl next door, home-cook-turned-celebrity, Paula, I'm talkin' to you girl...How could you possibly have decided to "approve" the horrific environmental defilers, Smithfield Foods? Did you not know about the horrendous expose in Rolling Stone Boss Hog? Thanks to the Ethicurean for the tip.

    Here's just one choice morsel:
    lagoons emit hundreds of different volatile gases into the atmosphere, including ammonia, methane, carbon dioxide and hydrogen sulfide...many millions of bacteria into the air per day, some resistant to human antibiotics.... some 300 tons of nitrogen into the air every day as ammonia gas, much of which falls back to earth and deprives lakes and streams of oxygen, stimulating algal blooms and killing fish.

    "Lagoon" is the Smithfield spin on pool of pig shit and processing waste. Apparently, these have been overflowing, polluting the environs for quite some time. As our government begins to hold Smithfield the teensiest bit accountable, Smithfield is making donations to environmental causes and opening operations overseas. Poland and Romania appear to be tops on their lists.

    I tried to "Ask Paula" about her partnership with horrendous environmental polluters, Smithfield Foods using her homey website feature. It's designed to make y'all feel like we're just sitting at the kitchen table gabbin'. Well I keep gettin' non-responsive missives from her pal Cassie, but no one seems to want to offer an explanation. Though her "Ask Paula" page does tell us where to get clothes for big gals (Dillards).

    I'll keep y'all posted....

    The porcine news keeps rolling in
    I wrote in December about Quails in Space when I learned that Alain Ducasse was creating meals for French astronauts. Not to be outdone, NASA gives our crew Rachel Ray, Emeril and Todd English. Talk about over-extending your brand. It's not enough to see these celebrity chefs everywhere on earth, but now in space too?

    I'd feel a little miffed if I knew my French counterparts were dining on quail while I was getting "BAM!" and "De - lish!"

    Pigs in Space
    And remember the Muppets' skit: Pigs in Space? We now have a non-muppet version of space swine. Oh yes, I am talking space-love-triangle here.

    Wigs, trenchcoats, rubber hose? Maybe it was all that gourmet food that made them swoon. Maybe someone has a diaper fetish, but man-oh-man what a giant step backward for womankind. And what a great way to represent our country, to model good behaviour for our kids and to spend our bazillions of tax dollars in space. Bringing our once-honorable NASA program down to the level of a bad reality show.

    If they need something to keep them busy up there, they could get working on my Microgravity bioreactor. I asked for one for Christmas and it hasn't yet appeared. With news like this rolling in every day, I'm going to need one.

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